Shadows

Shadows
“Stay in the shadows.” – from Burn the Witch by Radiohead
Ah, yes, the shadows, where the hordes of FBF teams within three games or less of first place lurk (10 of them to be exact). It is these teams who have been shifting around out of the moonlight to stalk their way into The Fighting Four (has the tension built yet?). So which teams stepped closer into our view from the rear window, and which slipped further into the shadows this week? Let’s take a look.
You don’t have to Bill-eave in the Bible to know Revelations said Death rode upon a Pale Horse (see what we did there?), which is exactly what it did in Week 7. Delivering gridiron death to Bill-eavers, and ending their two game win streak, Minneapolis Pale Horses move to 6-1 after posting 24 points on Monday night to win 72-54. It’sJameisOnASundayAfternoon did their best American werewolf in Paris (awful…awful movie) imitation as they dialed in some transatlantic management skills in their 105-47 win over Ryan’s Express, going to 5-2 on the season with la victoire. Another team that bumped to 5-2 with their win was Team Shirritt who fittingly were led to victory by their Ravens defense, 92-82 over The Jalopy Faces. Pacific Mighty “O” stayed in the hunt by rising from the dead with their second win in a row to go to 4-3 (we consider anyone at 2-3 in Week 5 dead around these parts) – showing their might against the errant aim of Team Marksmen, winning 98-48. Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins continued their nightmare before Christmas as they lost again in October, this time to Maryland Mad Bombers who blew up the Halloween festivities with the frightening performance of RB Ajayi whom they snatched off of the waiver wire. In most horror movies, some folks like to get away. Unfortunately, that was not the case for NY State of Mind as they were chased through the desert by Dusty Desert Dogs, dropping to 0-7 as the descendants of Cujo jumped to 3-4. Speaking of hounds, Scrappy Doo’s went after Practice Squad with the same zeal they showed while facing the Neon Phantom, roughing up their opponent 113-88. For the final match-up of Week 7, imagine what would ensue if on a dark, hot (a dry heat of course) Halloween night the desert’s ugliest, nastiest, and scariest beast stumbled upon a big bag of gummy candy awesomeness. It would probably result in something roughly as messy as the 128-78 win that Tucson Javelinas had over Candyland Gummies, hoisting The Javs to 6-1 while bumping The Gummies back to 5-2.

And the awards go to…
The WRKM Axe: Tucson Javelinas scored a monster 128 this week, promptly swiped The Axe with their 98.7pts/game and were seen running off towards Room 237
Syrup of Ipecac: Candyland Gummies’ 131 has yet to be beat!
Hello Kitty Sticker: JameisOnASundayAfternoon score themselves a sticker with their 105-47 win over Ryan’s Express
10th Man Award: Team Marksmen who saw D. Adams go off for 25pts on their bench while W. Snead snoozed out 8pt in the WR slot
Keep Calm Banner: NY State of Mind is moving in the right direction, but still keeps The Banner with their 64.1pts/game

Damn Lies
“There are three types of lies – lies, damn lies, and statistics.” – Benjamin Disraeli
– Maryland Mad Bombers put up 106 points in Week 7, their first regular season triple digit performance since Week 9 of their Black Sheep campaign – back in 2014.
– Week 7 wrapped up the highest scoring intra-conference portion of any season, averaging 166 points per match-up.
– JameisOnASundayAfternoon has yet to score below 80 points in a game this season (actually below 82) – that’s seven games in a row to start a season, making it the second longest +80 regular season game streak in FBF history…the longest? NY State of Mind who scored over 80 points in their first 11 games of the 2013 season, scoring below 80 only in their final regular season game (67 points).

Next Week
“You want to know what Zeus said to Narcissus? You better watch yourself.” – from Deep Six by Marilyn Manson
Why should you watch yourself? Because Week 8 is when everyone pulls on their masks and heads out into the neighborhood, lighter and bag of poop in hand. That’s right – it’s inter-conference play! And you may be looking out over the next couple weeks and saying to yourself, who the hell are these people? Why? Because the inter-conference schedules were shuffled up this season, pitting teams against squads they have never played in the regular season before, or potentially ever. Here are the match-ups where things might get dramatic: Bill-eavers (3-4) vs Candyland Gummies (5-2) — It’sJameisOnASundayAfternoon (5-2) vs Team Shirritt (5-2) — Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins (2-5) vs Tucson Javelinas (6-1) — Maryland Mad Bombers (3-4) vs Dusty Desert Dogs (3-4) — Practice Squad (2-5) vs Team Marksmen (2-5) — Minneapolis Pale Horses (6-1) vs NY State of Mind (0-7). Why dramatic? Not only have these teams not faced each other in the regular season, they’ve never even crossed paths in the playoffs.

Sherlock’s Deduction (4-2)
“I never guess. It is a shocking habit.” – Sherlock Holmes
The never-seen-before match-ups in Week 8 rob Sherlock of his most prized possession – historical data. To solve this problem, Sherlock picks from a battle that has happened in every year so far, picking The Jalopy Faces to top Ryan’s Express in this brotherly battle, evening the series 2-2 historically.

Sincerely – Management

That Hurt

That Hurt
“This won’t hurt one bit.” – Every lying doctor ever
Sunday was World Anesthesia Day (history says 1846 is the year to celebrate, Management thinks a much earlier date should apply) – and many teams around the league found themselves Sunday night wishing they could take a shot to the arm and forget what just happened. If there was ever a team that knew what they were needin’ and didn’t want to waste more time, it was NY State of Mind as they were roughed up by Pacific Mighty “O”. The Northwest McCoy crew rose to .500 as the Empire State footballers missed that elusive first win, dropping to 0-6 on the season. Another team that felt a stinger on Sunday was Practice Squad, who despite entering the week as the top scoring team in The FBF, posted their worst performance of the season, losing to Maryland Mad Bombers 88-64. Both teams walked out of the scrap at 2-4. Another match-up which left both teams with the same record was Bill-eavers and Scrappy Doo’s. Bill-eavers posted their second triple-digit score of 2016 and of their FBF existence in the 101-78 win, rising to 3-3 as their opponent, Scrappy Doo’s, dropped to 3-3. Ryan’s Express also rose to 3-3 as they rebounded from their worst 2016 performance in Week 5 by dialing up 93 points in their win over Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins who were forced to eat their breakfast spaghetti sans maple syrup. The upset of the week game in a sibling battle as Dusty Desert Dogs earned just their second win of 2016 as they knocked down Team Shirritt who were handed just their second loss of 2016, dropping to 4-2. Three of the other four teams that entered Week 6 at 4-1 fared better than Team Shirritt. Both Tucson Javelinas and Minneapolis Pale Horses bounced back from their first losses of 2016 which came in Week 5. The Javs beat The Jalopy Faces 82-58, a painful loss that put the McCoy’s top team at 4-0 historically against The Jalopy Faces. The Pale Horses reclaimed the best record among the Hatfields as they won this match-up of 4-1 teams 95-82. Candyland Gummies followed up their massive Week 5 win with another solid victory as they beat Team Marksmen 90-58, moving to 5-1, their best start ever through six weeks of play.

And the awards go to…
The WRKM Axe: Minneapolis Pale Horses grab back The WRKM Axe, not so much for getting that much better than the competition, but because the competition for this trophy kind of fell on it’s face – don’t shoot the messenger
Syrup of Ipecac: Candyland Gummies’ Week 5 performance is still the greatest in the land at 131
Hello Kitty Sticker: Pacific Mighty “O” gets the sticker in Week 6 with their 99-56 victory – take’em however you can get’em
10th Man Award: Two teams earned this award in Week 6, each for leaving 16 points on their bench with a whoopsie-daisy starter decision – Scrappy Doo’s and Team Marksmen; if it makes either organization feel better, you wouldn’t have won even if you had made the right decision on who to start…that does make you feel better right? Sherlock swore it would
Keep Calm Banner: Hopefully the NY State of Mind is one of zen and positivity, because averaging 62 points a game through six weeks isn’t something the rest of The FBF would want you to throw your hands up over, so, like The Banner says…

Damn Lies
“There are three types of lies – lies, damn lies, and statistics.” – Benjamin Disraeli
– The Hello Kitty Sticker has been “won” by six different teams through the first six weeks of 2016 – this is the first time the first six weeks have not seen a repeat “winner” of the Sticker, and even more interesting, a certain someone who had earned 20% of the Hello Kitty Stickers possible through the first three seasons has yet to score one in 2016
– Tucson Javelinas, Candyland Gummies, and Minneapolis Pale Horses shouldn’t go celebrating quite yet, but from 2013 through 2015, six of the seven teams to win 5 of their first 6 games made it into The Fighting Four
– If your team wasn’t one of the three mentioned in the previous stat, have no fear! 4 of the 12 teams to make The Fighting Four from 2013 through 2015 had only three wins through six weeks

Next Week
“Let’s keep it between us.” – Bob Dylan
Literary phenom (and fine Minnesotan) Bob Dylan wrote a song once believe it or not (apparently he wrote a few), and its title applies to Week 7 in quite a deft manner. Week 7 is the final week of intra-conference play (which then gives way to inter-conference play, but just mumble the prefix and no one will be the wiser), which means everyone has one last chance to spar against their sibling before stumbling outside to fight the bully next door. It’s one last chance to be certain that your win will push you up the conference ladder while your opponent will absolutely be pushed down that same ladder. Make the most of it. One other absolute in Week 7? The ranks of The FBF will see at least one team advance to 6-1, and at least one of the three 5-1 teams will drop to 5-2. That’s right – the game of the week to watch is Tucson Javelinas and Candyland Gummies as they square off to decide who will enter innnnntttuuuuhhhhrrrraaahhrrrrr-conference play atop the McCoys.

Sherlock’s Deduction (3-2)
“I never guess. It is a shocking habit.” – Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock has been delivering the kiss lick of death…for a few weeks if Sherlock picked your team, you were doomed, but for two weeks now Sherlock has correctly called upsets (Week 5’s first loss in over a year for Minneapolis Pale Horses; Week 6’s win of Dusty Desert Dogs at 1-4 over 4-1 Team Shirritt). So where is that curse going next? Sherlock flips his opinion on Team Shirritt, picking them to beat The Jalopy Faces.

Sincerely – Management

Scary Stuff

Scary Stuff
“I’m terrified beyond the capacity of reasonable thought.” – Dr. Egon Spengler
The old adage goes, it’s tough to listen to the news on the radio when there is a horrific car accident raging in flames next to you in the median. We think that’s an old adage at least. Anyway, the point is, before we get to the games which represent the radio in this possibly fictionalized adage, we better talk about the wreck that has everyone rubbernecking. Candyland Gummies. NY State of Mind. Wow. This is the mess of a game that left all the movie stars in their fancy cars and their limousines craning their necks to see what the heck happened. The meeting between these two teams that took three seasons to even see a winner (2013 and 2014 both ended in ties) ended this season in the largest regular season win ever in The FBF with a 96 point margin of victory which oddly enough equals the average points scored by each team in their back-to-back tie seasons (95-95, 97-97). Needless to say, this 131-35 outcome left the rest of The FBF checking their schedules for when they play these two teams, for vastly different reasons.
While Candyland Gummies were beating their chest at 4-1, two other teams in the league were reacting a bit differently to making it to 4-1. Both Minneapolis Pale Horses and Tucson Javelinas were dealt their first losses in 2016 in Week 5, though each mourned in their own special way. After getting dropped by Scrappy Doo’s 91-79, Minneapolis Pale Horses management retreated to seclusion in the west wing to pontificate about the end of their regular season win (eh, lossless) streak that extended back to 2014 (15 wins in a row at 15-0-1). Tucson Javelinas, on the other hand, after getting sniped in the desert by Team Marksmen 102-90, in true Tucson resident fashion, handled their grief like Doc Holliday on a 36 hour bender. If the 4-1 crowd wasn’t thick enough at this point, two other teams kept cruising to the front of the pack with wins this week. Team Shirritt dropped Pacific Mighty “O” to 2-3 with a 98-80 win to put them at a three-way tie atop the McCoys with the Javs and Gummies. Among the Hatfields JameisOnMondayEvening caught up to the Pale Horses as they downed the Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins 102-54 who fell to 2-3, continuing their skid after a 2-0 start to 2016. While Mighty “O” and the Ninnymuggins fells to 2-3, two teams in the Hatfield conference rose to 2-3. Bill-eavers rode the week high performance of QB Marcus Mariota (30pts) to victory over Maryland Mad Bombers in their 88-63 win. Practice Squad dumped 117 points on Ryan’s Express as they continued to put up big numbers and were glad it earned them a win for once (well, twice now). Lastly, The Jalopy Faces moved to 3-2 as they assured nobody from the desert had a good weekend, taking out Dusty Desert Dogs 108-78.

And the awards go to…
The WRKM Axe: The Axe changes hands after just one week as Practice Squad wrestles it into their possession, averaging 97pts per game
Syrup of Ipecac: Another scoring trophy has a new owner as Candyland Gummies post a new 2016 high 131 points in Week 5 competition
Hello Kitty Sticker: In a twisted insult to injury, Candyland Gummies, new possessors of The Syrup of Ipecac, also earned a Hello Kitty Sticker with their 131-35 victory
10th Man Award: Nevin who can’t spell his name right continues to be a presence in The FBF, this time earning Scrappy Doo’s the 10th Man Award by scoring 22pts on the bench while Matt Forte limped off 5pts in the starting RB spot – at least it didn’t cost Scrappy Doo’s the win

Damn Lies
“There are three types of lies – lies, damn lies, and statistics.” – Benjamin Disraeli
– Candyland Gummies apparently gets very geared up when it comes to regular season battle with NY State of Mind – against NY State of Mind, Candyland Gummies average 105.3 points per game…against all other opponents? 79.1 points per game.
– Can you see the bottom from here? The Minneapolis Pale Horses not only lost this week, but continued their slide in scoring, posting fewer points than the week before in every single game this year (Wk 1 – 109; Wk 2 – 108; Wk 3 – 99; Wk 4 – 88; Wk 5 – 79)
– This week, Practice Squad became the first team ever to attain The WRKM Axe despite having a losing record (2-3)

Next Week
“He who hesitates, meditates in a horizontal position.” – Ed Parker
Six of the eight match-ups in Week 6 provide an opportunity for teams to claw back some ground from teams with better records than them. Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins versus Ryan’s Express pits two 2-3 teams against each other, leaving one team back at .500 while the other will drop to 2-4. JameisOnMondayEvening versus Minneapolis Pale Horses squares off two 4-1 teams against each other and will result in one team holding sole possession of the top spot among the Hatfields. With all but four teams already scoring over 100 points in at least one game this season, shootouts across the board would not be a surprise, so load for bear and come out guns blazing.

Sherlock’s Deduction (2-2)
“I never guess. It is a shocking habit.” – Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock has been padding around the Management offices this week in a strange mix of wild pride and debilitating shame after correctly predicting the demise of the Minneapolis Pale Horses. In a trend of picking canine-named teams, Sherlock picks Dusty Desert Dogs (1-4) to upset Team Shirritt (4-1) in Week 6 competition.

Sincerely – Management

I Dream of Quinary

I Dream of Quinary
“One, two, three, four.” – Coolio
Unbelievably, a third of the season is already in the books. A Week 4 that began with an FBF season-high three teams at 3-0 managed only to shake one of those teams from the undefeated ranks. Candyland Gummies lost their first game of 2016. Their week-low 56 points was far from enough against a Team Shirritt squad that was eager to avenge their Week 3 loss to the Javs, pulling the Gummies out of their pocket like it was the closing credits of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Two teams that stood the test of Week 4 were Minneapolis Pale Horses and Tucson Javelinas. The Pale Horses high-stepped past a horrible QB decision and took out the Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins while the Tucson Javelinas posted the week’s high score of 109 as they left NY State of Mind considering hopping a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood. Both the Dusty Desert Dogs and Team Marksmen lost ground in the McCoy conference, dropping to 1-3 as they were toppled by Pacific Mighty “O” and The Jalopy Faces, respectively.
In the Hatfield conference, Maryland Mad Bombers finally hit their first target for a win against Scrappy Doo’s, a match-up that was summed up quite nicely on the interwebs Sunday afternoon. Not that the Mad Bombers had much input into the win since all but one of their bench players were on bye this week. JameisOnSundayAfternoon kept the top spot in the conference within reach as they surged to 3-1 with their 83-78 win over Practice Squad who stumbled after a Week 3 win which seemed to signal a hot streak coming due. Finally, Ryan’s Express posted their second plus-100 point week in a row with their victory over 1-3 Bill-eavers.

And the awards go to…
The WRKM Axe: The Minneapolis Pale Horses at 4-0 lead the league in scoring and take possession of The Axe in the first available week with a 101pts/game average
Syrup of Ipecac: Scrappy Doo’s is left hugging the Syrup while mourning their loss to Mad Bombers in Week 4
Hello Kitty Sticker: Team Shirritt gladly took a breather while earning their Week 4 win against a meek 56 points
10th Man Award: Another shared week by a duo of teams leaving 28pts on their benches, both with errant QB choices – Pacific Mighty “O” and Minneapolis Pale Horses

Damn Lies
“There are three types of lies – lies, damn lies, and statistics.” – Benjamin Disraeli
– Pacific Mighty “O” has been one of two recipients of the 10th Man Award for two weeks in a row – Week 3 with 4-0 Tucson Javelinas, and Week 4 with 4-0 Minneapolis Pale Horses
– Minneapolis Pale Horses have returned honor to The WRKM Axe by earning The Axe while averaging over 100pts a game following a 2015 season in which the possessor of The Axe never averaged in the triple-digits
– In a reversal of Week 3 antics, Monday Night Football did not change the fate of any teams losing at the end of Sunday’s games – the only game that hung on the Vikings/Giants battle was Pacific Mighty “O” hoping the performance of their kicker, Walsh, would endure the performance of of Dusty Desert Dogs’ WR Diggs, which they did, 6-4 respectively in the 86-80 victory

Next Week
“2+2=5” – Radiohead
Don’t let the thought crimes dictate your perception, two plus two does not equal five, so while Minneapolis Pale Horses and Tucson Javelinas may sit at 4-0, that does not mean 5-0 is inevitable. While JameisOnSundayAfternoon hopes for these two teams to fall for multiple reasons, one is to retain their status as the only team ever to be 5-0. A slug of teams look to push to 3-2 while others hope to turn their season back on the hot track and prove the first four weeks were a fluke of poor performance. Week 5 is where the champions start to shine so polish up your stars.

Sherlock’s Deduction (1-2)
“I never guess. It is a shocking habit.” – Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock is off to a rough start (high five to Management for passing on the obvious pun there) but he can’t resist to defy the 2015 Black Sheep for a second week in a row in his pick. Tom Brady is back, and if his Stetson ads don’t make him look like a man who can lead Scrappy Doo’s to wrangle up some Pale Horses in Week 5, well, then nothing is quite right in the world. Scrappy Doo’s to win.

Sincerely – Management